First Day: Preparing to Change or Start School

For a child, there's not much scarier and more exciting than her first day at a new school. Whether it's the first day at a new mother's morning out program, or the first day of kindergarten, you can help prepare your child for what she'll experience. Here's how:

Talk with your child and listen to her fears.

"I think it is important that parents review the schedule of the first day with their child the night before," says Dominique Mouthon of Follow the Child Montessori. "Let your child know what is going to happen in concrete terms like 'I'm going to drive you to school. Then I'll walk you to your class.' You need to be excited about this very important step. Children are good at picking up unspoken cues and if you have mixed feelings about this new experience, your child will pick up on that." If your child does have anxieties about school, it's important to help her give voice to those concerns but make sure to follow her lead. Ask her what she thinks will help her feel more safe and secure. Brainstorm with your child, not for her, and make sure not to minimize her feelings. Don't say, "You won't get lost." Rather say, "It sure does feel like a big school. That can seem scary, can't it?"

Plan a visit to the classroom and meet the teacher in advance.

For a preschooler, feeling comfortable with her surroundings and the adult caregiver are two vital pieces of the equation. Make sure that you take time to visit the school with your child. If possible, bring your child with you to observe a class. "Parents should come often before the first day," says Katie Collins of Holly Springs School for Early Education, "and come at different times." Make sure your child is able to meet with and talk to the teacher - ideally at a time when the teacher can give your child meaningful attention. If your child feels like the environment is somewhat familiar, it will make those first difficult days a bit easier.

Arrange a play date with another new child at the school.

Having a buddy often helps three, four and five year-olds faced with a new environment. If that child is also new, they have another person to spend time with which they already know. "At our school, we arrange some summer play dates and we encourage parents to do so as well," says Dominique.

Plan extra time for drop off and pick up.

When the big day finally arrives, don't rush the transition time. Spend some extra moments in the car with your child cuddling and talking if necessary. Walk together to the classroom, talking if your child wants to or singing if that makes her more comfortable. Then, when the time arrives, give your child a hug and kiss, make sure they know when you'll be back and leave quickly. "A parent should make a quick exit if the child looks to be ok," says Katie. "Children read a lot into a parent's expression so if a parent looks hesitant or sad the child will to." While there may be tears shed on both sides, a prolonged farewell only increases the difficulty for you and your child. When the time comes to pick your child up, be on time. Take some extra time after pick up for an ice cream or smoothie, and talk about her day as much as she wants to. Ask open-ended questions as much as possible and let her know how proud you are of her. Change is hard for all of us, and she needs to know that you're just thrilled with how she handled a difficult situation.